Well so much has happened since my last post. So many emotions. From disappointed, to elated and happy beyond words, to relief, guilt and back to disappointed again.
Pre-apology for the choppiness of this post. It is sort of representative of how my thoughts are floating around in my head right now but more likely related to my lazy writing.
It all started with an essay due in last friday morning. Got up at 6am, went into Tec to try and get it finished. I had been procrastinating doing it for so long I had once again left it to the last minute. Turns out I had written over a 1000 words over the word count. I promptly entered a state of hysteria. Drove to my boyfriends work and burst into tears. This is the first disappointed emotion. I knew I could have done better in that essay if I hadn't procrastinated so darn much! Anyway he ended up dropping me off at the hospital (had a clinical experience shift from 2.30 to 11pm). Was a good shift. It continues to amaze me just how much actually getting into the work side of nursing makes me re-commit to my studies. I want to achieve my best in my training, to give the best care to my clients. So I was in a relatively good mood. My man came and picked me up after my shift (he is such a sweetheart considering bed would be a far more tempting offer at this time of night) and said he wanted to take me to 'our' spot (the place we had our first date) to cheer me up from this morning. I was okay with this as it was friday night and so we drove the 30 minutes up to a lookout hill over cambridge where you can see all the beautiful lights. We got out of the car and I could not believe what happened next...He got down on ONE KNEE!!! And said "Every day that I spend with you I fall more and more in love with you. I cannot imagine my life without you. I want to be with you forever...will you marry me?" I promptly burst into tears of happiness and squealed "YES!" over and over again. So hence the elation and happy beyond words emotion. We jumped back in the car had some wine. He said we needed a song so we flicked through the radio to find one. We found this song, 100 years - Five for fighting it's one that I have always loved and I'm really glad we didn't end up with something like Christina Aguilera's 'Dirrty'. :-) We spent the rest of the weekend visitng and spreading the news to family, friends and everyone else we could pretty much. On cloud nine the whole time! But had to come back to normal life at some point, maybe with just a little bit of spring in my step?
Monday came and I went and spoke to my tutor about how annoyed with myself I was over my essay and she said as long as it makes sense, is logical and reasoned she doesn't really consider word count. So that was the relief emotion.
So here comes the downward spiral. I couldn't believe that through this time I had not managed to get one single run in. It is now friday (exactly one week after the engagement) and I have still not managed a run. Maybe I needed some down time? Maybe I was just being lazy? Either way I feel terribly guilty. I was all gung-ho in my first post and being accountable in this blog makes me very aware of those things I don't achieve. When I write something in here and don't achieve it I become disappointed in myself. The running program needs to start all over again and the calorie-count thing got off the ground for one meezly day. In the past counting my points and doing weight watchers worked for me so this Tuesday I am joining up to begin this way of monitoring my nutrition again. I have 12 kg I want to lose but I want to become fit and healthy not just slim. I need to re-motivate myself for exercise. I need to find something that does the same thing for my running and health as clinical experience in the hospital does for motivating me in my study. I will be beginning the training programme Monday again...this is non-negotiable. I'm anally retentive and have to do things at the beginnings of weeks. I have this issue where I can't just commit to starting tomorrow. Maybe that is alluding to an 'all-or-nothing' mentality? I think that might have to be a topic for another post. Ciao for now. Will be updating Monday evening. If anyone has an ideas for regarding motivation or anything related please leave a note to share them.Labels: reflection, running, study |
Oooh your blog is so pretty!
CONGRATULATIONS! That's so exciting!! :-)